Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
