Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I need to stop coming to work sober

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(859): View more from Kentucky

make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..

(1-502): View more from Kentucky

Aren't you in 8th grade?

(502): View more from Kentucky

9th, but that's not the point.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.

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(404): View more from Georgia

We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"

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(503): View more from Oregon

Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat

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