P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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