i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
