Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
