it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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