Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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