as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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