wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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