i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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