I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
