if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
