Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
