On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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