This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
