i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
