I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
