Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
