We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
