I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
