O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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