My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
