dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i think i just lost a toe
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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