i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
