Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
