Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
