In the future we'll all be gay
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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