Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
