We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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