Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
