yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
