4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
