please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
