I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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