Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
