Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
