I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
