Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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