i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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