can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
