Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
