i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
