She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
