remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
