update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
