we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
