she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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