Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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