How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Help. Why am I so naked?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
