How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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